So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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