I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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