if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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