I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
