It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
