I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
