I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
