if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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