No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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