U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
