he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He shit in the fireplace
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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