There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
