If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize