TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize