I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
