i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
