You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
