She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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