If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
