Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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