Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
