Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
