felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
