my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
