The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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