He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize