The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
