dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
