My room smells like vodka and shame
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize