Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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