I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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