I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
