he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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