Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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