I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
