Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
