Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
