No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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