just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
