A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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