my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
