I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
