Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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