I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I take back everything I said about communal showers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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