I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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