you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
