There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
