So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
