I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
