i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
