Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
