Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
