Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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