I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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