Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
