I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
