You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
God I need to hump something, right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
