I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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