I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
