so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize