can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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