I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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