When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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