Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
