my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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