she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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