Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
