I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize