I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
