Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
